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Looking for
past Features? You've come to the right place!
Choose your path...
Stupid Things To Be For Halloween
Lark: "Well, you know what holiday is coming up now?"
Rufus: "Rufus day?"
Sephiroth: "There's no such thing as Rufus day, you jackass!"
Rufus: "There should be."
Sephiroth: "Well then there should be a Sephiroth day!"
Lark: "Would you too quiet down? I'm talking about Valentines Day."
Sephiroth: *rolls eyes* "Okay, here we go."
Lark: "I hate Valentines day."
Sephiroth: *blinks* "What?!"
Lark: "I said I hate Valentines day."
Sephiroth: *gasp* "Who are you and what have you done with the real Lark?!?!?"
Lark: "It's me, Sephy-sama, I just *hate* Valentine's Day."
Rufus: "Me too."
Sephiroth: "You hate it because you never get any Valentines."
Rufus: "That's not......" *sigh* "True."
Lark: "I hate it because I don't think you should only show someone you love them on *one* day."
Sephiroth: "Well it gives certain people a chance to hook up."
Rufus: "Yeah, like Reeve and Tseng. *Boy* I'm getting sick of those two!"
Sephiroth: *clears throat* "That's *not* who I was talking about!"
Rufus: "Maybe Reno and Michelle will get back together."
Sephiroth: "That's not it either!"
Rufus: "Who, you and Vincent?"
Sephiroth: "You're an idiot!!!"
Rufus: *blinks* "What?"
Lark: "Anyway, I guess Valentine's is okay for some stuff."
Reno: *entering with irvine* "Valentines?" *shudders*
Irvine: "I hate Valentine's."
Lark: "I was just saying that."
Irvine: "You won't see me on Valentines."
Rufus: "Why?"
Irvine: "Because! That's like a big day for commitment and crap like that. Stuff I won't touch with a million foot pole."
Rufus: "That's a pretty long pole."
Irvine: "Damn straight!"
Sephiroth: "Who cares about Valentine's anyway?"
Reno: "Sephiroth just wants St. Patricks day to come." *grins*
Sephiroth: "Shut up, Reno."
Lark: "Oh yeah! St. Patricks day isn't too far away!"
Reno: "Now *that's* a holiday! No lovey dovy crap, just beer, beer and more beer!"
Sephiroth: *with no enthusiasm* "And the green. Don't forget the green."
Lark: "How could we forget the green?"
Rufus: "Hey, none of us are actually Irish."
Reno: "........hey, shut up."
Irvine: "Yeah!"
Sephiroth: "That doesn't mean we can't like St. Patricks day!"
Rufus: "Do you think someday they'll be a St. Rufus day?"
Reno: "Hells no!"
Lark: "I don't think so, dear."
Rufus: "Can I buy one?"
Lark: "Um, that's all for this feature!"
Sephiroth: "You can't buy a holiday, jackass, you have to earn it."
Rufus:
"Hmmmm....."
Lark: "Well, Sephiroth, this is it."
Sephiroth: "You're shutting down the site?!"
Lark: "Stop getting excited. No. It's the holiday season! You know what *that* means."
Sephiroth: "People killing each other for Playstation 2's?"
Lark: "Close. It means it's time to give gifts."
Sephiroth: "I know exactly what I'm getting everyone."
Lark: "Oh, really?"
Sephiroth: "Yup. Nothing." *laughs*
Lark: "Ha ha. You're so funny."
Sephiroth: "Well not everyone is as rich as Rufus."
Rufus: *comes in* "What? I heard my name."
Sephiroth: "I hate you, jerk. Scram."
Lark: "Sephiroth! Hi, Rufus. We were just talking about how rich you are."
Rufus: "Damn straight, I'm rich!"
Sephiroth: "You should be buying everyone great gifts then, right?" *snickers*
Rufus: "Wait, what?" *pause* "Dammit! Is it that time of year *again*?!"
Lark: "Yes, it's 'that time of year'! And I happen to really like it!
Rufus: *sweat drops* "Well, you know my company isn't doing too well this year, so I might not be able to buy anyone gifts."
Sephiroth: "You were just talking about how rich you are, jack ass."
Rufus: "Aw sh--"
Reno: *enters* "It's damn cold out, isn't it, Irvine?"
Irvine: "Hells yeah! I hate this time of year!"
Lark: *annoyed sigh* "Not only can I *not* find someone who likes this time of year, I am also *totally* off track."
Reno: "Off track for what?"
Irvine: "Are you talking about horse racing?"
Reno: "No, chocobo racing."
Rufus: "I *hate* chocobo racing."
Lark: "I wasn't talking about racing!"
Sephiroth: "Don't you people listen?"
Lark: "Thank you, Sephiroth."
Sephiroth: "What?"
Lark: *sigh*
Rufus: "Fine, you wanna talk holiday gifts, I say go with gift certificates. Let people buy their own damn presents."
Reno: "I say hand out beer! Who doesn't want that?"
Lark: *shakes head* "I'm not going to even get into that one."
Irvine: "Why not just ask people what they want and buy for them based on that?"
Everyone: "..................."
Sephiroth: "Shut up, cowboy geek."
Lark: "Thank you, Irvine."
Irvine: *grins and tips hat* "Anytime, babe."
Sephiroth: *glares at irvine* *mutters* "Stupid cowboy geek."
Lark: *staring at irvine with a dreamy smile*
Sephiroth: *coughs loudly* "What now, Lark?"
Lark: *sigh* "Irvine's so hot..."
Sephiroth: *snaps* "LARK!"
Lark: *snaps out of her daze* "Huh? What? Yeah."
Sephiroth: *taps foot* "Grrrr...."
Rufus: "So, Lark, what do you want for Christmas?"
Lark: *back in her daze* "Irvine..."
Irvine: *grins* "That can be arranged."
Rufus: *pouts* "Well at least when she complains these things never come out like she expects she can't blame it on us."
Reno: *laughs* "Yeah! And she can't even blame Irvine!"
(irvine and lark start making out)
Sephiroth: "This is going to be the crap crap crappiest Christmas ever."
Reno: "I'm planning to be drunk the whole time."
Rufus: *mutters* "Cheater."
Sephiroth: "Give me that!" *grabs renos beer and starts chugging*
Reno: "Hey! Sephiroth! Don't make me talk to Rufus!"
Rufus: *sigh*
"This is going to be a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry long holiday season."
Lark: "You know, sometimes it's a hard thing."
Sephiroth: "What? Reading the crap on this website?"
Lark: "NO! Deciding what to be for Halloween."
Sephiroth: "Aren't you a little old to trick or treat?"
Lark: "I still go to Halloween parties! I have to show up as *something*."
Sephiroth: "You never get invited to parties."
Lark: "Yes I am. You just don't know cause *you're* not invited!"
Sephiroth: "Hey!" *frowns* "I will have my revenge."
Lark: "Anyway, here is the quick and easy guide to what to be for Halloween using stuff just lying around the house!"
Sephiroth: "I have a suggestion."
Lark: "Later. First of all, you could always do the lame ass thing and put a sheet over your head and go as a ghost. But make sure you cut holes in it so you can see. And make sure it's not too long so you don't trip over it."
Sephiroth: "Next thing you know you'll be telling them to look out for razors in their apples."
Lark: "Another easy thing to go as is a bum. Just put on some old clothes."
Sephiroth: "You really think everyone is this cheap?"
Lark: "What's *your* idea?"
Sephiroth: "Go as me! All you need is lots of leather and some metal shoulder pads! Bonus for the sword!"
Lark: "Leather..." *drool*
Sephiroth: "Or, if you're too cheap to do that, you could always just walk around dressed normally and tell everyone you're infused with Jenova."
Reno: "That's lame ass!"
Sephiroth: "Hey! Who let you in!"
(rude and tseng enter)
Sephiroth: "Ack! Who let you stupid Turks in!"
Reno: "We thought of a suggestion."
Tseng: "Get a blue suit, white shirt and a blue tie and goes as a Turk."
Reno: "Or screw the tie and go as me!"
Rude: "....If you want to be me, better get some sunglasses."
Sephiroth: "Nobody wants to be you jerks!"
Lark: "Turks uniform..." *drool*
Irvine: "Howdy everyone!"
Sephiroth: "Oh no! Not cowboy geek! Get lost!"
Irvine: "I think a cowboy is a great thing to go as for Halloween. All you really need is the hat and boots."
Sephiroth: "I think you would look better with the Masamune through you."
Lark: "Cowboy..." *drool*
Irvine: "And maybe *you'd* look better with a couple of bullet holes in ya!"
(Treize and Zechs from Gundam Wing enter)
Treize: "I believe we have the best costume idea. Go ahead and model it, Zechs."
Zechs: "Yes, sir." *models the OZ uniform*
Treize: "As you can see, the OZ uniform is both practical and fashionable."
Lark: *drool* "OZ Uniform..." *passes out*
Tseng: "Um...Lark...passed out."
Treize: "Are you surprised? Look how hot Zechs is!"
Tseng: *stutters* "Uh...well...actually..."
Reno: "Ok! I've heard enough!"
Rude: "....I don't think this went the way Lark thought it would."
Irvine: "Does it ever?"
Tseng: "What do we do now?"
Sephiroth: "I'm all for getting rid of the Gundam Wing jerks!"
Treize: "Well excuse us! You're just jealous because we're better looking than you."
FF Guys: "Hey! You are not!"
Zechs: "You didn't make her pass out."
(he and Treize leave)
Sephiroth: *glares* "We didn't get a chance!"
Tseng: "Now that they're gone....what now?"
Sephiroth: *pokes lark with his foot* "Lark...wake up. The jerks are gone!"
Irvine: "Sephiroth, don't try to wake her with your foot!"
Sephiroth: "Why not?"
Lark: *wakes up* "Huh? What happened? Where did Treize and Zechs go?"
Sephiroth: "Thankfully, they left."
Lark: *frowns* "Oh." *gets up* "Where were we?"
Sephiroth: "Halloween costumes, remember?"
Lark: "Oh....right." *grins* "Well, if you want, you could always do my favorite thing!" *snaps her fingers and cat ears appear. she puts them on sephy* "Cat ears!"
Sephiroth: *sighs* "I should have know."
Other FF Guys: *chuckle*
Lark: "Don't think you're getting away without wearing any!" *snaps fingers and cat ears appear on tseng, reno, rude and irvine*
Reno: "Oh man!"
Tseng: "I don't know...I think they're kinda cute."
Lark: "Tee hee! That's all for this feature!"
Sephiroth: "Don't worry, there won't be any cat ears in the next one."
Lark: "Says
you!"
Lark and "Friends" Ways to Enjoy Summer if You're kicked off-line and You're Banned from the Playstation.
Lark: "It's summer! Finally, you have all the free time in the world! Unfortunately your parents say that you have to do something "productive" with your time. That means no staying online half the day--"
Sephiroth: "..Like someone *else* I know..." *cough*
Lark: "Or playing your Playstation until 3 A.M. What else is there to do?"
Sephiroth: "Kill yourself?"
Lark: "No!" *glares* "Sephiroth!" *shakes head* "Anyway, here are some alternative ways to enjoy summer:
1. Like to read? I hate it, but reading a book is a way to pass the time! Here are some suggestions for books I *actually* liked. Keep in mind that I hate to read and also hate pretty much every book I'm forced to, so these have gotta be good.
- They Cage the Animals at Night by Jennings Michael Burch. Ok, I almost never read books twice, but this book is so great that I did. It's kinda long, but it's such a great story that you'll finish it in no time. The story is about a little boy who spends his childhood in many foster homes and orphanages because his mother is often too sick or too poor to care for him and his 5 other brothers. If you haven't already read this book, I *really* recommend you do. It's my favorite.
- The Scarlet Pimpernel, by Baroness Orczy. This is an older book, but it doesn't have that horrible Charles Dickens style of writing to it. This is my 2nd favorite book, and it's not very long either. This story, which takes place during the French Revolution, is about a French woman named Marguerite who wonders why her new British husband doesn't act like he loves her anymore. Meanwhile, a British man who calls him The Scarlet Pimpernel has been going to Paris and saving people from the blade of the guillotine. Citizen Chauvelin, an old friend of Maguerite's from France and who now works for the French Government, comes to England to seek her out and have her discover the identity of the Pimpernel. This book is full of surprises ^_^
- Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. Like Shakespeare?You'll be in heaven. Don't like Shakespeare? You'll like it anyway, cause I am no Shakespeare fan but I love this play. Young Prince Hamlet finds out about his father's death, only to return home to find out his mother has married his father's brother! A vision of his father comes to him and says that his brother killed him, but can Hamlet believe this? Hamlet is great, even if you don't understand all the language. It's kind of long, (5 Acts), but the ending is the best part! Oh, and say hi to Laetres for me ^_~ (I just love that character)
- The Crucible, by Arthur Miller. Another play, and a great one. It's about the Salem Witch trials, about how and why a girl named Abigail Williams started it all. It's not too long either, so you'll read through it very quickly. It's historically accurate too, so, if you're into history, like I am, you'll love it even more.
- Oedipus the King and Antigone, by Sophocles. In case you couldn't tell by now I really like plays. These two are from ancient Greece, but they're great. Oedipus tells the story of a man named Oedipus, a man the oracle said would grow up to kill his father and marry his mother. His parents go to have him killed, but he is saved and brought to another kingdom. Oedipus does end up doing as the oracle fortold....what will happen when he finds out? Antigone, the better of the two in my opinion, is the story of Oedipus' daughter (pronounced An-tig-oh-nee, not Anti-gone) and how she is banished by King Creon for burying her traitorous brother against the law of the land. Confused? Don't worry, you won't be. It's just that it's hard to explain. If you only read one, read Antigone. Creon rocks!
- The Things They Carried, by Tim O'Brien. This is about the Vietnam war, and it's sad, touching and for those with a pretty strong stomach. It's not too long either, and you'll be so engrossed in it that you won't be able to put it down. If you hate war, this will cement your feelings even more, and if you don't hate it, this book might just make your change your mind.
- A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. This is a very looooong book, but it's got a really great story and is well written too. This book is about a girl named Francie Nolan growing up poor in New York City around the turn of the century. The book follows the life of her and her family: mother Katie, father Johnny and her younger brother. This book is sad, yet inspiring.
- Shadows of the Empire, by Steve Perry. This is for you Star Wars fans! My favorite Star Wars book of all time, this one takes place between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. New characters, old characters and lots of trying to save Han fun! Plus a great new bad guy named Prince Xixor. (He's sooooo cool!) All Star Wars fans *must* read!"
Sephiroth: "2. Tie up your siblings and hide them somewhere, like a closet or the attic. Then leave ransom notes around your house for your parents, demanding money for their safe return."
Lark: "Sephiroth! That's cruel!"
Sephiroth: "Cruel but fun."
Lark: "No! Anyway...
3. Write a Ramble! Hey, it's a great way to let off stress! Take the Final Fantasy characters, or characters from *anything* you like, and write stories with yourself in there! They're great self esteem boosters too! After all, you can't make anything you want happen! If you're a girl, it's always fun to have all the hot FF guys fight over you! If you're a guy, you can have all the FF girls fight over you. Works either way!
Sephiroth: "Pathetic..."
Lark: "Shut up!"
Rufus: "Can I do one?"
Lark: "Sure. As long it's not about locking anyone in a closet." *glares at sephy*
Rufus: "4. Start a business! One minute you're selling lemonade, the next, you're taking over all the other lemonade companies, and then, the planet!"
Lark: "Uh....I don't think that's a good suggestion."
Rufus: "Why? It worked for my-" *twitch* "-father. But he didn't use lemonade. He used weapons. But I thought that would be kind of hard for just anybody to do so I said lemonade instead. Lemonade's popular, right?"
Sephiroth: "You are an idiot."
Rufus: "Hey!"
Lark: "Ok boys, be nice!"
Sephiroth: "Here is my suggestion. 5. Tell everyone around you that you are summoning meteor to come destroy the planet. Tell them they have 24 hours to live, and laugh as you watch them go crazy."
Lark: "Sephiroth, I don't really think anyone would buy that."
Sephiroth: "You'd be surprised."
Lark: "Anyway, moving on:
6. Play poker! Get some people together and find something to use as chips. A lot of board games have little plastic tokens you can steal, or buy some poker chips. The rules are simple. Give everyone five cards and then trade in the cards you don't want to get a better hand. If you want the rules, you can go here. (just go to the section about card games ^_^) My friends and I play a *lot* of poker. It's a really fun game.
Irvine: "I prefer *strip* poker." *winks*
Sephiroth: "You *would*."
Irvine: "What's *that* supposed to mean?"
Lark: "Hi, Irvine! While you're here, do you have a suggestion---a *clean* suggestion--of what people could do when they're bored over the summer?"
Irvine: "I really don't have any ideas."
Sephiroth: "See! He's useless!"
Irvine: "Am not!"
Sephiroth: "Are two! I came up with *two* great suggestions!"
Lark: *snorts* "Yeah. They were *real* great."
Irvine: "Well...I *do* have one!...yeah. 7. Go play a sport!"
Sephiroth: *snorts* "Please."
Lark: "I think that's a good suggestion! You can get a friend and play a mini game of baseball, or you can shoot some hoops. I like to throw a tennis ball at the backboard of a basketball net. It's great target practice."
Sephiroth: "Is that why whenever you throw something at us, it always gets us?"
Lark: *smiles proudly* "Yup."
Sephiroth: *mutters* "Note to self: steal all tennis balls."
Reno: "Hey! 'Sup everyone?"
Rude: "......"
Reno: "Rude and I would like to make a suggestion! 8. Spy on the neighbors!"
Lark: "RENO!"
Reno: "What? It's really fun, especially if you have a telescope, and a gorgeous woman across the street has her windows open and is walking aroun na--"
Lark: *claps a hand over reno's mouth. sweat drops* "Eh heh...we're not talking about what *you* like to do, Reno."
Reno: "Mmmmnnn nnmmm ummmnn!"
Lark: *lets him go* "No more pervert suggestions!"
Reno: *grins* "But that's what I do best!"
Lark: *sighs* "I know...."
Laguna: *runs in* "Hey hey! I'm President of Esthar!"
Kiros: *mumbles to himself* "I hope we have an election soon."
Ward: "........!" *kicks kiros*
Lark: "Hey, guys! Any suggestions? I'm getting kinda desperate."
Kiros: "9. Ward says kill Laguna."
Lark: "Kiros!"
Ward: "........!!" *knocks kiros to the ground*
Kiros: "Ow!"
Laguna: "Did you really say that, Ward?"
Ward: *shakes head*
Laguna: "Then why would Kiros say that?"
Lark: "Okay, never mind. I need one more suggestion here!"
Hojo: "10. Do a science experiment. Screw up someone you love." *puts arm around sephiroth*
Sephiroth: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" *runs away*
Lark: "How did you get in here?"
Hojo: *looks around nervously* "The better question is, how do I get out?" *runs out*
Lark: *sighs* "Well, I hope you got *something* out of this."
Rufus: "Some
how I don't see that happening."
Sephiroth: "I'm sure it's really not much better."
Lark: "Shut up! Anyway, you know that 'A' is for Apple crap they teach you?"
Sephiroth: "I perfer 'A' is for Assult rifle."
Lark: "No! We're not doing that one either! I made up the Alphabet, Final Fantasy Style! So you can use this to teach your younger siblings to read!"
Sephiroth: "I have a feeling this will be more disturbing than anything I ever did."
A is for Aeris
Lark: "Yup! The flower girl from FF7 that was the last living Anicent!"
Sephiroth: "I killed her!"
Lark: "Everyone knows. You can stop bragging about it. No one's too thrilled about it."
B is for Barret
Lark: "Who can forget the crass talking leader of AVALANCHE?"
Sephiroth: "Me."
Barret: "Yo! You shut your damn mouth, freak!"
Sephiroth: "Lark! The letter B is insulting me!"
C is for Cid
Lark: "Which Cid? It doesn't really matter. There are lots of Cids!"
Sephiroth: "They all sucked."
D is for Deling City
Lark: "The capital of Galbadia! Where Rinoa's father the crank lives!"
E is for Edgar
Lark: "The really hot and dashing king of FF6!" *swoon*
Sephiroth: *mutters* "He's a jerk."
F is for Fiagro
Lark: "Edgar's castle! Whoo hoo!"
Sephiroth: "No more FF6!"
Edgar: "You don't like my castle?"
Lark: "I love it! Don't listen to Sephiroth."
G is for Garden
Lark: "Garden, where SeeDs are trained and dispatched. There are three Gardens, one of which is inhernetly evil."
Sephiroth: "That's because Irvine came from there."
Irvine: "Hey! Not true!"
Lark: "Irvine's the only *good* thing that came from there, Sephiroth. Get it straight!"
H is for Heidegger
Lark: "The annoying moron with the horse laugh."
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa."
Lark: *twitches* "That's it..."
I is for Irvine
Lark: "My favorite FF8 character! He's my cowboy!"
Irvine: *grins, tips hat* "Howdy."
Sephiroth: "...I don't like him..."
J is for Jenova
Lark: "The wanna be Anicent chick who's cells were injected into Sephiroth!"
Sephiroth: "That's why I'm so cool."
Lark: "Right...." *edges away from him*
K is for Kalm
Lark: "The place where Cloud has his flashback of Sephiroth destroying Nibelheim."
Sephiroth: "That's my second favorite part of the game. After the part where I kill Aeris, of course."
Lark: "Would you *stop* talking about that!"
L is for Laguna
Lark: "Squall's dad and the loveable President of Esthar!"
Laguna: "Hey hey! I'm President of Esthar!"
Kiros: "Ward wants to know why I wasn't the letter for K!"
Lark: "Um, well I'm trying to alternate between games."
Kiros: "Ward says that's bull!"
M is for Moombas
Lark: "The cute creatures the Shumi sometimes change into after they...uh..change. They're the firey haired creatures that helped you out in the prison.
N is for Nibelheim
Lark: "Cloud and Tifa's hometown!"
Sephiroth: "I burned it down!"
O is for Odine
Lark: "That doctor from FF8 that screwed with Ellone and built Lunatic Pandora. I hate his guts!"
Sephiroth: "Not more than Hojo, I hope."
Lark: "No, I hate him the most."
P is for Palmer
Lark: "The fat turd at Shinra in charge of the Space Program. He takes lard in his tea. Ew!"
Q is for Quistis
Lark: "Squall's teacher turned SeeD at Garden. She's a genius."
Quistis: "Thanks!"
R is for Rufus
Lark: "This was a hard choice. So many names start with R! But I had to pick Rufus cause I do love him so!"
Rufus: "I'm glad you picked me over Reno and Reeve."
Sephiroth: "I'm not."
Rufus: "Hey! Shut up!"
S is for Shinra
Sephiroth: "EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!"
Lark: "Well, I was going to put your name, but you were mean to Rufus!"
Rufus: "Ha ha! It's my full name in a row!"
Sephiroth: "It's not fair!" *sobs*
T is for the Turks
Lark: "Sorry for all the FF7 stuff in a row, but I just love the Turks!"
Elena: "Turks rock!"
Tseng: "Elena...."
Elena: "Sorry."
U is for Ultima
Lark: "My favorite spell! You can use it to kick Sephiroth's ass!"
Sephiroth: "You're mean!" *still crying*
Lark: "I was kidding! I'm sorry Sephy-sama!" *hugs him*
V is for Vincent
Lark: "My favorite FF7 playable character!"
Vincent: "Hello."
Lark: "Isn't he cool?!"
W is for Ward
Lark: "Laguna's silent friend!"
Kiros: "Ward says you suck for not putting me in!"
Ward: "......!" *hits kiros over the head*
X is for X-potion
Lark: "Restores all your HP! Gotta love it!"
Y is for Yuffie
Lark: "Everyone's favorite materia thief!"
Yuffie: "Yeah...so...do you have any or not?"
Z is for Zell
Lark: "I love Zell!"
Zell: "I love you too."
Lark: "Aw!" *kisses zell on the cheek*
Zell: *blushes* "Gosh..."
Sephiroth: "I'm still upset!" *wipes away tears*
Lark: "Aw! Poor baby!" *kisses him on the cheek* "Better?"
Sephiroth: "........yes......."
Lark: "Well there you have it! The Final Fantasy Alphabet! They should use that in schools!"